At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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