wakey wakey hands off snakey
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize