Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
