I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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