A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
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