my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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