woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize