My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
