hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
