we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
