when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
