Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
