Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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