Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
