I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
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I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
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Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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