Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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