my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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