I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
