I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
