Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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