I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
