Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
