I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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