So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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