This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
