I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
