I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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