no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
