Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
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I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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