when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
