i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
