Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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