respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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