Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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