I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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