And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
