are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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