We're facebook friends in real life
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
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