i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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