I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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