when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
