Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
