Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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