I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
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This is the high leading the old right now
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
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I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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