Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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