My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
