Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
