just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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