I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
