i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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