your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
