that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
