I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
