I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
