We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
