I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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