You really coming over, don't trick.
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
