I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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