Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
