I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
