Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
