YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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