yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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