Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
