don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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